the big picture

I NEVER expected medicine to cover such a WIDE scope. seriously, last time i use to think medicine is all about SAVING LIVES and HELPING PEOPLE. butttttttttt... IT'S SO MUCH MUCH MOREEEEEEEEEE than that. it involves EVERY aspect of life. u've gotta see each individual as a WHOLE not only physically, also emotionally, psychologically, mentally and everything.

SAVING one lives is NOT THAT easy after all. classes on ethics and law has been driving me crazy. It's all about the patient's autonomy and THEIR decision. our job is only to FACILITATE and in the end, the decision is all up to the patient. it's like - as a doctor, you want to perform an operation to save the person's life, but, if the patient choose to REFUSE the treatment, u've just gotta oblige n go with the decision. it's so hard, u wanna help, but yet you cant. i guess, u have to live with it, do the best that i can.

and... i'm still pretty afraid to hold the BIG RESPONSIBILITY of life. some times, i was just thinking, i would not want to have such HIGH authority. it scares me. A slip of my own hands can cause so much harm even to the extent of fatal harm. that day i was having a practical on injection. and i realised HOW EASY it is to just commit a mistake. just accidentally putting slight air into the patient's body can cause FATAL harm. oh mai, just such a SMALL mistake, can already cause so much harm. i really got to be so careful, n i'm afraid i cant live up to it.

but still, i believed God brought me into this line of medicine for a reason. and May He, with time, take away all this fears. =)

oh well, on a brighter note. i realised that no matter where i go, i receive the labels of CRAZINESS! anyhow, i still MISS the people that i FEEL MOST AT HOME, MOST COMFORTABLE WITH, and MOST BELONGED with - my SAM frens! i miss everyone of them. and as i go through each day, i can imagine them here at the moment, n situations and actually imagining what they would do/react.

 

remember how the car actually STOP for this picture! HEHE!

i see places and stuffs, i could imagine what crazy pose they will make with me. i can imagine how they would laugh at all the stupid things that i do and say. LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!

Good Guilt

this song reminded me AGAIN an important lesson that i learnt last time.
GUILT that comes from God brings us back to Him, and brings us to victory, BUT GUILT that comes from Satan brings us down.

this thought in the song really struck me to me heart, that NO MATTER how many times i fail Him, IT'S JUST TOO ASSURING to know that HE STILL LOVES ME and all. the forgiveness of God that was shown on the cross is just amazing and some times hard for me to accept. THANK YOU LORD!

and i just pray that i will be drawn back to God, and not neglect Him in the midst of business.

anywaz, i'm really surprised at how i can keep in contact w my pre-uni frens, i never like really NEVER kept in contact w primary/secondary skul frens. it's already a few months we are away from each other, but yet, i still feel so close and confortable with all of them! candice, michelle, wenshi, gene, ian, sean, lilian, hsing hwa, and everyone, i got a feeling that i can keep in contact with you all for A LIFETIME, so you all wont be able to escape HULK TENG in ur life! WAKAKAKA! LOVE YOU GUYS!

dunno wat title. hahaa!

"what we are learning now is just a piece of the jigsaw puzzle, soon, u'll be able to see the big picture, so take it easy." 

this is what one of my lecturer said, and some how it touched me and made an impact since i remembered it so clearly.

cause reasonly, i've been so pressure and stressed cause of the people around me, people who like KNOWS everything, who keeps studying and reading up. it just scares me. and plus the work load and the hectic schedule, i nearly dunno how to manage. but of cz i find places to release my stress too like going swimming, playing basketball, and playing ping pong and all. i guess there's where BALANCE have to come in.

that's y those words assured me.