God is good AL THE TIME!

today is the last day of 2010!!! wow, time really does flies...
looking back, it has been a really busy year for me. RBS, then mission trip, then moving into new apartment, then SAM in a new college. everything happened in a blink.

today i woke up and decided to spend some quite time with God. and it really touched my heart, i could feel God speaking to me so clearly.

this little thing moved my heart -

Shall not He who led me safely

Through the footsteps of this day

Lead with equal understanding

All along my future ways?

God's guidance in the past gives courage for the future.

God has helped me through so many things, the painful period of my operation, the problems i faced organising the camp, the sime darby interviews and scholarships, the sam examinations and so many more. even though i often doubt Him and question Him and also turned my back against Him, He still remail faithful to me.

And so, i could joyfully testify with this that when He said "I will never leave you nor forsake you", He really meant it!

it's just amazing to see how the Lord actually took care of every little details of my life. indeed, before i moved into the next year, i should stop and count the blessings that God has granted me with and Praise His name.

even now, i am overwhelmed to know that sime darby has approve my appeal for local monash. He has been so good to me by giving me this. it is true that when He is in control, we should not worry, doubt or anything at all. because we are His children and He'll take care of us. He lead and guided me and provided me with this path - medicine in local monash! i am grateful and overjoyed. even though it is not in australia, i am contented with what i have. 

this song has been playing in my mind.

God is good all the time

He puts a song of praise 

in this heart of my mine

God is good all the time

through the darkest night 

His light will shine

God is good, God is good all the time. 

If your walking through the valley

there are shadows all around

Do not fear He will guide you 

He will keep you safe and sound 

He has promised  

to never leave you nor forsake you

and His word is true

we were sinners so unworthy

still for us He chose to die

He filled us with His holy spirit

now we can stand and testify

that His love is everlasting

and His mercies, they will never end.

though i may not understand

all the plans You have for me

my life is in Your hands

and through the eyes of faith

i can clearly see that God is good........

feeling grateful

listening to one of my fren's story make me feel so grateful. it just turns my attitude of grumbling to gratitude.
this friend of  mine faces much MUCH family problems. to the extent of even thinking of parents divorcing.
i felt really painful for her. of all this that she have to go through. really tough for her. it some time brings me to tear of how much burden she have to carry. all i can do for her is to pray. and really be thankful for what i have that is A LOVING FAMILY.

thank you papi n mummy, for all the care you've given me and a really bahagia family.

and well, i must be grateful for God for granting me with this sime darby scholarship.
many long to have a chance for education n do not get it.
thinking back, it's kinda amazing how the Lord actually helped me in getting this scholarship.
for the three interviews, i had to travel to n fro from camerons as i was having my residential bible school (RBS) at that time.
i am so touched to see how God work and the little little details that He took care of.

no matter where i'm going from here, whether still with or without sime darby, i will not worry anymore and surrender all to Him becuase i know being in His will, will be the BEST road and path for me, as i will lead a satisfactory and meaningful life. =)

when i read back my blog post, i was encouraged by my own words, i realised how much God has helped me through and i know that this time, He will not leave or forsake me as well. He will always be by my side and will definitely give me a place in uni sme where. =)

i am happy.

 oh well, this christmas i had more time to prepare my presents so decided to do sme thing! thanks to my fren who taught me, this was the end products! =)
made th special people! Blessed Christmas! 

ahah! then me and becks decided on baking muffins! for the rest of the people! woohoo~

 *YUM YUMS*

NICE! =)

OF RIBBONS AND PRESENTSSSS....

 so free to decorate sme more! 

love this the best. =)

anyhow, just like that christmas was over.
BUT christmas was NOT just bout presents, wrapping, distributing, caroling, it MEANS MUCH MORE TO ME.

as i heard the message in church, this one thing touch my heart and that is SURRENDER is more important than COMMITMENT. to surrender to God is even harder than staying commited to God. often a times, i feel myself wanting to take control of my own life and not letting go for the Lord to lead. well, i need to learn to take baby steps to SURRENDER.

and of cz, CHRISTMAS is all about Jesus's birthday! He was born onto this earth to come and save us from our sins. He is our saviour and this invitation is open to all who accepts Him. =)
His love is indescribable and the feeling of God's voice in my heart is very hard to explain as well. =)

human nature vs God's plans.

i think tis gonna be quite an emo ppost!

anywaz, results were out on the last day of camp at 530am. i didnt dare checked so i decided i would go to college itself to check it! did not feel anything until i was in the bus! suspenseful.

couldnt believe my eyes when i saw the paper. it was not the top TOP but i am satisfied with my results because i know that my future is in God's hand. no matter what i get, He has a purpose for me. that was wat i thought then! =)

recently, my mind have been so confused with so many things. it is so confused so much so that i cant actually reason out stuffs. universities are so so so complicated with the approval of sime darby. DOWN is the word i cn associate with now.

well, i just got to knw tat i did not get UNSW which was my erm.....only hope. so now, i guess, i cant go to australia.
n i'm left with monash local and james cook australia which BOTH are NOT in sime darby list.
yesh, it does sound VERY SCARY, it seems like my future is closing down on me, it seems like i'm going no where, it seems like i gotta let go of sime n find sme other ways, it seems like i'm not in for medicine, it seems like i'm left with no more choices, it seems like................ i dont even have words to express how i feel. i'm really really scared for now. 

A BIG SIGH! i do not know how, what n where. my mind is so confused, i dont even dare to think anymore. i am so tired! tired of alwaz trying to be strong, tired of alwaz trying to be happy. i just feel like giving up on my future studies dy, i dont feel like caring anymore. i just want a simple life, i dont want all this complicated stuffs to deal with. i feel like fainting and never wake up again. sighssss.. i am really EXHAUSTED of all these, feel like breaking down sme tme but i find myself very hard to even shed a tear. many say that i'm always the ever HAPPY one. many asked me bfor whether i have cried before, many asked me why i never become angry, many asked me why i dont seem to have any problems. some time i wish that i cn cry more easily and just let out how i feel. i always want to hide the sad feelings frm ppl and always stay happy so that i dont affect ppl's mood around me.. and i can tell you, it is tiring at times.

i need to find back the source of my strength - GOD!

anyhow, i find the strength in God. i am not going to worry and i will stay calm. i know that God is letting all this things happen for a reason, although i might not know why, i'm sure He is talking to me thru all this circumstances. i still know that MY FUTURE IS IN GOD'S HAND.

no doubt, human nature alwaz load my mind with all the negative thinking, but i'm gonna tell myself to STOP WORRYING and TRUST IN THE LORD and HAVE FAITH and NOT GIVE UP!. =) i will not let human nature over power the strength of GOD. sorry Lord for doubting You, i will surrender all to you, especially my future. =)

as i write these down, a smile has come back on my face. it's funny how sme tme writing stuffs down make u feel more relieved! =)

christmas!

hmmmm.... CHRISTMAS!

when christmas arrived, there's just so much of exchanging of presents, performances, sketch practises, decorations to put up, wrapping presents, last minute shopping and everything that sometimes the REAL MEANING of christmas is forgotten.

i pray that this year's christmas would NOT be like ANOTHER CHRISTMAS but that i would really sit down n meditate on the meaning of it all. we celebrate not because of presents and christmas trees, BUT the BIRTH OF JESUS CHRIST on this earth. He came down to earth to die for us and to sacrifice Himself just for our sins!=)

so to remind myself, i am writing this down here.=)

a sucessful surprise!

here's the promised to post bout ur birthday, grace!
this is dedicated to you!

HAHA! well, it was really a sucessful surprise!
and so we were on the way to sunway pyramid for  our *so-called* booked ticket for rapunzel.
and my *mother* who was mei yan called me on the phone three times regarding the plan to surprise you.
HAHA! well, we reached the cinema, n i needed to call the *cinema person* who was mei yan too to get to know where to get the tickets.

we walked straight to the cinema, just name grace n elena and got our tickets. *well, grace, u think u r VIP?? where got such service?* hahaha!
went in n there was the surprise, in the dark, everyone shouted HAPPY BIRTHDAY. well, ur shock face was priceless, really!=)

hahaha! and then archery was really fun!!
then the next day at klcc was awesome too, and finally bowling.

it was a sucessful surprise!

anyway, here's to wish you a very happy birthday! may God continue to bless you n may you shine for Him wherever you are! love ya loads!

God touches the heart.

 You and I've got to have a heart to change the world
Let the song start to sing in every boy and girl
Start to share, start to care, from a heart of love
Let the world know that Jesus loves them

Jesus told us to go and share in every land
Over seas, through the hills, across the desert sand
Start to share, start to care, from a heart of love
Let the world know that Jesus loves them

How will the people know? How will the people know?
How will the people know unless we show them?

By God's grace, in God's strength, we can change the world
Let the world know that Jesus loves them.

 

this song really touched my heart today in church. i felt the wet eyes as i sang it. where is my heart that was once set on fire and passion? has it all gone away? this song exactly describe how i felt. 

Am I Ready?

hmmmm...
i have been pushing many worries and thoughts away and keep saying to myself, let the results n God decide where my career would be.
recently, many people asked me WHAT IS MY PLAN AFTER THIS, and still i dont know how to answer.
it's scary to think that the year is ending and february, the starting of college is coming and still i have NOT come up with my final decision. the future have so many uncertainties, and everything can change just in a second. but if everything was easy, then there would not have been any challenge, i guess.
besides, questions that were popped to me was AM I READY FOR OVERSEAS? AM I IN FOR MEDICINE?

i would not have thought that i would be going overseas so fast. this is my country, everything is here.
AM i REALLY ready to leave provided i achieved all the requirements? there is so many things in malaysia, including friendships made and family that i'm quite sure would break my heart by just leaving malaysia. all the memories that i have to leave behind, stepping out of my comfort zone to a totally new place, new culture, and new people...i believe i am tough enough to be independent BUT leaving would be difficult.

AM I ABLE to cope with medicine studies when even SAM i felt it was hard enough. 10 years MAN! 10 YEARS!!!!! i would be like 30 dy by then, can i really withstand all the stress and pressure for a doctor's life..hmmm.. i am really scare if i do embark on medicine, i suddenly choose to give up half way, do i have enough PERSEVERANCE to endure it? sighs...

no matter what, the day would come one day for everyone where they have to take courage n take the first step out of their comfort zone. and so if it does come i will EMBRACE THE CHALLENGE WITH COURAGE!

well, i guess i have to be thankful for even having this phase in my life. all these decision making and stuffs, some people might want to be in this position to HAVE options but do not even have the chance for education. 

i just hope i will hold tight to the dream that is alwazys in my heart and that is TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THIS WORLD! i really want to go out there and help the needy and underpriveleged!

Dear Heavenly Father, i pray that wherever i go, that i will NOT give up FAITH in you and never stop believing and trusting. may i have a strong foundation and not be influenced by the outside world. protect my little heart Lord, and never let it go astray, i need You badly, Lord, to guard my heart from any temptations! and may the burning fire and passion that was once in my heart never extinguish.AMEN!
 
toodles~

difficulties are not bad after all...

this year, i learn what's the meaning of...

stress

(never been so stressed out for studies before)

 contentment

(learnt it from the visit to the orang asli settlements, they are so happy evn though they lacked much)

failure

(learn from my mistakes)

and from failures, i've learn humility

independent *partially*

(as i still had the weekends to escape home *wink*)

being a middle person

(well, it was never easy)

showing love without return

(by the source of love that is God)

slightly more decisive in life

(due to the major decisions i need to make)

being a scholar

(yes, i'm REALLY blessed, but it's not easy as well, it's actually complicated)

trusting God

(this was really the tough part, to surrender my whle future into His hands)

and how did i learn all these lessons? and that is THROUGH DIFFICULTIES.

and so, i can say I LOVE DIFFICULTIES with the strength of God to overcome and go through it.

as through each hard times, i'll become a more matured and stronger person. =)

PLUS, we are considered REALLY BLESSED PEOPLE, we have sufficient food clothing and shelter,

many ppl in the world are suffering frm starvation and is really bad!

as i was seeing a video of suffering church, it brought me to tears to see how much the people there are suffering

and here am i, grumbling even when the weather is hot!

we should indeed treasure what we have, while we still have them! 

and stop the grumbling attitude and not take things for granted.

THANK YOU LORD, for giving e the strength to pull thru this year.

random!

oh well, time to update my blog!

dont know why but i seem to have many repeated incidents of my head being hit!

i rememba the day we smuggled food int sunway lagoon with my church besties, shern li and rebecca.
we stuff all the food in one bag and the plan was to throw the bag over this tall tall fence.
and so i was at the receiving end, and guess what!! THE BAG FELL STRAIGHT ON MY HEAD. oh well, i was standing at the *indeed* right spot.

second,was at a camp. i was eating and talking peacefully with my friends, and out of nowhere a ball came flying AND LANDED on my head.

thirdly, just this year, my dearest friend candice toh SPOILED yng's birthday surprise. and she SWING HER BAG SO HARD tat it just hid my head! n guess wat, there were high heels inside. ouch! THANKS TO CANDICE!

and just the other day, i was getting out of the door, n the automatic gate hit my head JUST BECAUSE ME N MY MUM was controlling the remote AT THE SME TME!

hmmm.. things seems to like my head, force of attraction?! LOL!

LOST

suddenly, i'm overwhelmed with feelings.
i feel really lost rite now,it's like i'm at a major crossroad.
medicine? yes? no? other career? sime darby? yes? no? overseas? local? which college? n everything else...
i'm so uncertain, everything seems so blurry and i'm so scare to look into the future n out of this currently *comfort zone*.
i dun mind any job as long as it involves people, i just want to help people, is it tat hard?! i dont even mind to just lead a simple life and do some volunteer work with children or the orang asli kids, refugees..
fan sei yan la!

i have always dreamed to put an end to human tracfficking, it has alwazys been bugging my heart, but i just dont know where to start. it's so saddening to know tat even children are used. i just want to make a difference in this world, is it tat hard? can some one look into my heart and use me from there. i'm tired of all these uncertainties, tired of studying so crazily. i want to use my gift n offer it to the society especially the needy ones. i think i can be a good doctor but i dont think i can cope with a doctor's life even though i know i'm tough.

the worries is always there. TER 97 n above is really way too high for me to achieve. it's not that i dun trust myself but i know my ability.
i dont want to be a burden to my family. just really hope i can achieve TER90 so that we dont need to pay back the whole course of SAM in taylors college. and if..... just if.... it does happen, i think i will find a job to cover up some of the cost. i dont want my parents to be entangled in this mess. =(

hmmm.. it really takes a big step of trusting in You, LORD!
i just pray that in Your timing, that You will reveal to me what is Your will for me.

for old time sake~

college is FINALLY OFFICIALLY over =(
in life, we meet many acquntances, is tat how u spell it? LOL!
BUT i believe this few are NOT. although i cant predict the future, i believe n know tat we can keep in contact n be true frens! =)
i miss these times~

LAB PARTNER!!! i miss this times, the time we did loads of MISTAKES but had fun doing it n would LAUGH till we go on the floor! =) mich! will alwaz remember the times we had, promise to keep in contact ok! =)

CANDICE! ur favourite hang out place yea?? OUTSIDE AC, with umbrella up!! YOU THINK YOU COOLER THAN US??! LOL! dice! we have went thru so much, n i trust that we can maintain this friendship! 

my DEAR housemate! we have only known each other this year! they say staying together is the real test of frenship! n i dunno how we grew so close to each other.

shernz n becks~ sighssss.... we must really catch up soon, we have drifted so far apart. but no matter what, i just want you all to know, both of you are still in my heart n thoughts. hope to have all the stayovers again!=) i know tat we can surely be closely knitted n bonded once again!=) n smething deep down inside tells me, we can keep in touch no matter what!

i thank God for giving all of you to me. it's really a GIFT! =)

a year to remember!

wow! it's been a year! n i dunno where to start writing from.

well, this is the AWESO-MEST n CRAZI-EST bunch of people i have ever met in my life.

we went through happy,fun,funny,sad,downs n ups together n we r united as a class! G8, u rock!
i will never forget the sweet moments we had together~

i remember very clearly the night i got a warning letter frm SD, that was my worst week ever during this year, cant even explan how i felt. and SO i want to say thank you to candice n michelle, for treatiing me with the chocolate fondue in citrus plus. that was the sweetest thing some one ever did for me~ besides, u kept me so occupied that i could literally forget about that worry! THANK YOU! love u guys so much!!

and thanks kor kor wen shi, for listening to me on msn in the middle of the night, u were the only one online and did not hesitate to talk with me even though u were busy. thanks a lot, it made me feel so much better.

G8 was where i felt belong, felt love n felt comfortable!=) *smiles*

so anywaz, in college, especially in G8, i'm the JOKE of the year. n i suppose it's cz i do n say all the crazy n stupit stuffs! LOL! but well, i enjoyed hearing all the laughter around me!=)

i will definitely miss all thee times.=) we MUST keep in contact i hope!

SAM!........ one word..... TOUGH.STRESSFUL.BUSY.HECTIC.
it made me loose self confidence n feel stupid n broke down twice. but anywaz, i have pulled through and survived it! n i know the main thing that brought me through is you all, G8! bcause in the midst of all these down moments, i had LOADS OF FUN with you all!!!!!!!!!!!! super a lot!
thanks for being there, candice,michelle,priscilla,lilian,wen shi n everyne else! all of you alwaz make my day!

And also THANK YOU GOD for holding my hands all the way, You have never break your promise before-
never will i leave you, never will i forsake you.
even when i was faithless, u stayed faithul!=) I love you LORD!

toodles~

HEY!!! everyone in KL.

haha. free time on sun. so ya, i can update if i have time.
miss me le....wakaka
anywaz, i'm enjoying RBS and it's really fun.
God is so real to so many of us.
i teared up almost everyday here as it's really touching to hear God's voice.
RBS taught me a lot!!!

would be going to orang asli mission soon.
and the mission trip in churches.
my tream is going to Kampar.
i'm really excited!

miss you all in KL.
all the best for Youth Fellowship.
Hope ur r doing well!
Keep the unity, ppl as my morning meditation said we r united as one body
so let us bear with each other in love!