a new beginning!

goodbyes was never easy to say, but i admit that this time round was the hardest, i have never felt this way before. I dont even know when or how we became so attached and close friends, that when it comes to leaving, i was just too overwhelmed for words to express.
but yeaps, i have learn to let go, to know that we can still keep in contact.
plus, if i dont, i will never be able to find new friends cause i have a close mind, trying to find back friends that can replace them, that can be as crazy as them, that i can be as comfortable around them, but in actual fact, everyone is different, and we just gotta explore and get to know new people while still treasuring the old. =)
nevertheless, i will never forget the memories this people gave me, because it's the most awesome one i ever had!

time to face reality! my medicine course is gonna start in two days. I do not know what to feel actually.
scared but at the same time excited.
well, things i really got to work on is to try to focus in class. haha! i zone out like SUPER easily!
and i do more self study than listening to lectures and that's not good when entering uni level.

medicine, something that i was passionate about, and yet, something that i was dreadful about.
people keep asking me do i really want medicine. and i say yes. WHY?

my decision of medicine was triggered by a few cases.
firstly, there was this one time, i went to visit the orang asli settlements.
I happened to be talking to a mother, and she told me about her child.
She said "my child has cancer, but there's nothing i can do about it, because i cant afford to bring her to the hospital, i dont know what to do" and she said that with tears.
Somehow, i felt something, my heart reached out to her, and i talked to myself (it's not weird)
"if one day, i manage to be a doctor, i will come and help these poor, needy people, with minimal charges" and, i was quite sure, God was speaking through this situation. I told myself, that if i'm a doctor next time, i wont want to work in hospitals, but in rural areas with people who really really needs this help. *if possible*

secondly, i was a patient once, and during this whole period, it made me realise something.
to be able to cure sickness in this world, you need to have the qualification to do so, and that is to study the medicine course. I started to think how much I appreciated my doctor, he saved my life, he did everything he could to minimise the pain i felt and everything. I'm just so grateful to him, because everything when smoothly during the operation. This is when i though a doctor is so important and I was thinking "I want to be in that position one day, to be able to save these people that needs it"

thirdly, it's just suites what i am looking for. I have a heart for people, and i just want any career that has EVERYTHING that got to do with people. engineering(machines), research(laboratories) just doesnt go with me. i just love to be with people and to be able to help them.

well then, why do i dread it?
i became doubtful when i entered SAM... sam studies was really tough. and i kept thinking "if only with sam, the studies is already that hard, then can i actually take on medicine course? because i know it's so many many times harder that this"
besides, over the years, I realised i cant take the medical procedures.
and I discovered that my problem was i feel TOO MUCH.

when someone just TALKS about the part she's feeling pain, my body feels it too. haha, sound kinda funny.
but yea, for example when my babysister told me that she fell down and showed me the scar on her leg, that particular part of my body feel pain too. LOL.
i remembered the time i went to see endoscopy, the person was like keep wanting to spit the thing out, and i felt like vomiting and i just fainted. LOL again. hahaha!
and many other incidents...
i just cant stand to see a person in physical pain.
so i guess, even before i HOLD A KNIFE, i would think of that person's pain and FAINT! LOL!LOL!
that's my problem, i put myself in other people's shoe TOO MUCH! and being once in that position, a patient, does not help much, because i feel even more.
hahaha! and i know i just gotta overcome that.

being a doctor, cannot be too personal as well. and i do know that, that will be one of my weakness as well.
if let's say I did my best at saving a person's life, but in the end, the patient still dies. well, i know that i will definitely have a hard time. But doctors are supposed to be strong and take this things in, because it happens and not all patients can be save.

so these are the things i'm afraid of, and I have to learn, with time, to overcome them.
many people have asked me this questions, and i have finally sorted out the answer, sometimes, writing do help one understand herself better.

i am elena, who's gonna step into a new world of challenge and adventure. i'm not gonna be scared of failures, because we need it to learn,

i'm not gonna be scared of the studies, of how hard it's gonna be. I am ready, to stand up and take up this challenge! and one day, i will be doctor elena! HEHEHE=)
i never sound this confident for quite a while, oh well, i'm gaining it back now. wont let anything bring me down. and i know that in all this God is going to be my utmost helper! =)

Courage is simply the willingness to fear and act anyway -Dr Robert Anthony-

 medicine, i will not fear you anymore!

random!

nice timing that i've got my liscense! have been driving my parents all around for visitation!
anywaz, something interesting i found out!
there was this girl from taylor's college doing SAM in G5 that is eunice.
SHE WAS ACTUALLY A DISTANT COUSIN OF MINE, and i just got to know when her family came to visit me. HAHAHA! the whole year in taylor's, in the SAME LAN class, i didnt realise until tat day!
hahaha! small world indeed!
and... not only that... it was really coincident, cause she is ALSO doing medicine in monash! heh. and she is also an only child same like me! LOL!
and... i realise that one of sean's brother's friend is actually my COUSIN as well! heh=)
SMALL WORLD!

randomly galnced through stuffs and saw people posting - had a wonderful meet up with old classmates.
and i just wonder and hoped that i can keep in contact with my current classmate for THAT long. and meet up later in life! =)

this post is so messy, cause i'm just simply krapping.
ahah, my backbone can be weird some times, i can feel a sharp pain at times, like a needle poking into me.
HAHAHA! =)
and as much as i LOVE sports and would want to do it, i feel that's a restriction.
like when i was cycling the other day, i thought that my hands werent long enough, or the seat was not adjusted front enough, but i realised (after my friend told me), that it was actually cause i cant bend my back, and it's straight when i cycle. hahaha, how funny is tat!
well, i actually miss tracks and running competitions... some times i would try to run, but then again, i feel the strain. even in badminton and captain ball, i feel the strain. but i just love playing all these sports.

i realised all these last year actually, cause i started doing vigorous things for the first time after my operation. and my friend pointed out to me that my back was straight even when i bend down, i really didnt know until thay told me. miss sports so much for ONE YEAR, cant do it after the opt!

some time when i look into the mirror, i also see that one of my shoulder is higher than the other. HAHA!

been wondering whether i should take out my titanium screws and rods! hahaha! is it worth all the operation pain again, to go through it once again. hmmm.! BUT the most funny thing is, WHAT I AM THINKING...
i was thinking with my titanium inside, CAN I GET PREGNANT? LOL! that's so random, it just pop in my mind. haha=) but all these can wait, still long time more till my bones stop growing.

well, my accommodation for monash have some problems. my sponsor had not given enough money for it, so we are deciding whether to move to the walk-up-flat without aircond which is much cheper. see how larh.

ANYWAZ, wish all of you happy CNY! i'm kinda addicted to driving now, grab every chance to drive when my dad's around so that i can be more stable to drive alone later!

BEST TWO DAYS EVER!

yes, i have been blogging a lot about these people, but cause i love them very much and they mean a lot to me..

anywaz, we went on a two days adventure and i know if i went to these places without them, i would not have SO MUCH FUN and CRAZY moments!

our journey started at seven eleven outside kelana jaya station with this two crazy homeless woman waiting for their partner who was caught in a jam! sean, our tour guide was already waiting for us at petaling street! LOL.

we went to COUNTLESS places... REALLY. we use OUR LEGS as our transport the WHOLE day! but it was WORTH IT. we had so much fun.

 well, i have friends that when i told them I REALLY FEEL LIKE JUMPING IN the rail way tracks, they would do it with me.

this is the FUNNIEST picture! how my TITANIUM in my backbone was put to good use! candice was hitting my titanium for GOOD HEALTH!

WE conquered the whole WORLD that day!

 we, THE THICK FACE ppl, ask a FOREIGNER to capture this jump shot for us, and YES, we are THAT crazY!

we even RELIVE our childhood memory. eating our once loved NYAM NYAM when we were still kids.

and later, we found the buble balloon, (HOW EXCITED we were when we saw it!) and played it while waiting for ian to finish his visa.

I LOVE you all for being so sporting, i just feel so comfortable going crazy with you all because you all make me feel so ACCEPTED AND BELONG!

we climbed over the fence JUST to get to the grass! and later realised that there was an opening actually.

HILARIOUS!

and how you all laughed at me when i lied down on the SEMI WET GRASS.

this are all good times to be cherish!

we even conquer THE BOY'S TOILET! WOOTS~

and how we thought we were still CHILDREN, running eagerly to the KLCC park and played in the swimming pool. CANDICE, u SPLASHED me SO WET! HMPH!

we really *thought* we were kids until the guards came and "PI PI PI PI" blow their wisels at us.

and how we didnt even mind and continued to play in the playground doing all sorts of funny moves.

oh well, these were the few *OVERAGED* incidents

GAH! I CAN FIT IN HERE!

ahaH! even two person can fit on a slide YO!

except this one, CAUSE she REALLY DO LOOK LIKE GENUINE ONE

and how we remember everyone even when they are not with us.

saw vegetarian notices and rabbits, we think of wen shi!

and when we see cute little baby here, we think of lilian

 of funny expressions...of funny acts... and of funny faces...

 

 the ever famous donald duck face yo!

 

YO! DVD SELLER! cheaper larhh!

how sean CAMOUFLAGED with the cny decorations.

...of how she thought she was a car.

the day ended with a crazy sleepover.

the next day was full of acvtivities again..woohoo!

went to bukit cahaya for cycling! an awesome experience with crazy people!

of how a random photo can become an epic poster picture! *LOVE*

ahah! i scared everyone with my *mini* accident! everyone was so concerned! =) man, it was only my second time cycling and it was uphills and downhills already.

i saved my life awesomely

this was HOW we went to australia TOGETHER and saw snow~

SO SUPER COLD!

WE ARE SO LADYLIKE PPL!!!

...of how SPORTING this people were. randomly sat down IN THE MIDDLE OF A ROAD to LOU SANG while listening out for cars/motorbikes!

the best yee sang ever!

YAY!

of how we stood on these wood planks doing some crazy moves for over 40 PHOTOS

 i had never cried before when it comes to saying goodbye. but this one is a really hard one for me.

when we reached back at taylor's college. some of them went back. and the rest went to meet up with ivan and gene. sadly, i couldnt go. and looking at them, my heart keeps telling me "this is sort of the last time i will see them before they fly off", i was in fact very very sad.

after they left, i just sat down and emo but tried to controlled my tears til i got into the car.
i will seriously miss these people so so much! i love them to bits! cant even say the word goodbye, cause i'm afraid that i'll tear. thanks, all of you, for being so sweet,awesome,crazy,thoughtful,caring,funny,sarcastic,supportive,and most of all, accepting everyone as they are~
will always cherish these friendships we made and will try my best to keep in touch!

this song's words describe us!