where's the passion? where's the motivation?
i feel as if i do not have any interest in watever im studying. and i really do wonder.. what if i really did take up the course of education or psychology or a course tat studies people. i want to learn how people work and behave and all, how to cheer them up, how to give them a better life. what im interested in is people. and i really do find it hard some times to find JOY and HAPPINESS in what i am studying. its not that i dont like evrything in medicine, but the large chunks of science and facts just makes it hard to enjoy it. i really need to feel tat once again. for now, i realised i keep falling asleep in most, if not all of the classes except those that involves movement like practicals, those that involve medical interview, talking to people and all, cause tat's really my interests, and i just seem to be able to pay attention in those kind of tutorial. the rest, i just seem to switch off automatically, even though i try very hard with concious effort to focus but just cant. im very afraid that i cant survive n struggling through 5 years like that. studying something that i do not enjoy, and when this thoughts come and haunt me, the feeling of wanting to change course comes, but yet, i know i have to hold it in and strive with my very best cause i know it's impossible since i've already accepted sime's scholarship and would not want to let anyone down especially my family. but yet, one part of my hearts stills tell me that i will enjoy medicine/ being a doctor in future and that gives me hope. and besides, to see how God have lay down the pathway for me, making sime approve of the scholarship, tat makes me very assured that im on the right pathway. i just hope that i will find the passion along the way, and find interest along this long journey and start to enjoy what im doing in the end. =) as i type this last few sentence, my smile is cming back, and tat's a good sign! =)
anyways, i just came back from penang and had a really really awesome time. spending time w friends with outings and holidays is really the best way of getting to know them better. it made me realised so many different great qualities in all my friends and to learn to appreciate them. the food was just too awesome, i cant even recount how many meals i took a day, it was endless, from one stall to the next. felt soooo contented,happy and satisfied after this trip! =)
and as i went for holidays, it often make me think back of all the G8 outings we had, the fun tat we had. went to the beach and remembered the COUNTLESS jump shots we took along the pangkor beach with the sunset tat day. went to a park and remembered how you all taught me to cycle for the very FIRST TIME. saw monkeys in a park and thought of lilian. saw waterfall and rememebered how we released candice's fishes into the lake and ALL THE funny pose we did it tat MULTI COUNTRY parks. memories will just flash back during all this trips and i can imagine wat we would have done together if you all were here with me.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
...not a coincidence
when feelings overwhelmed, and when i dun knw wat to do, just feel like coming here to blabber and write. hahaha!
something really coincident happen this week. just at the beginning of the week, i was chatting with this friend and we had a heart to heart talk and he told me how his mother pass away from cancer. and then on friday, after exams, i was walking around doing groceries shopping. and i heard my name, turned around and saw one of my friends. and he too, shared about how he recently lost his father.
IN THE SAME WEEK, there's two person who came to me sharing about how they lost their loved ones. it was so coincident and i felt like God was talking to me as if He's trying to tell me something.
and i guess, i realised that life is so unpredictable, and He was like telling me to APPRECIATE my family while i have them.
i felt really sad for them, i was lost for words, because i really cant imagine what its like living without my mother/ father. i would not know how to recover as well. and im very sure it will take them a LONG TIME to recover.
besides, it made me realised, im very blessed already that i have a loving COMPLETE family and should stop complaining bout this bout that and all. =)
2011, even the beginning was very busy already. and when i tend to get busy, i tend to neglect God. i started asking and wondering WHERE IS MY HEART that i once had? last time i used to CARE so much, i would write little little notes to my cell group members encouraging them and all, i would have a burning passion to spread the good news to my friends, i would have the desire to bear a good testimony, i would have the longing to be close to God and all. it's like my heart is growing colder nowadays. and i prayed the same prayer over n over again, saying to God please bring me back to Him and yet not doing anything about it. i must start setting apart time for Him once again.
my thoughts are very messy now. i know that it's very dangerous to say this prayer, but sometimes i do wish that my life would have more challenges, because i know that it is IN DIFFICULTIES, IN HARDSHIPS that we learnt the most, that i learn to depend on God the most. and i want to moulded and pruned by God even if it means breaking me down. i know that, in that way, i'll be closer to God. some tme i wish to be put thru hard times just to experience it n grow more into a stronger person. hmm, i knw im kinda weird, who would want challenges in their lives and complain bout how good life is. LOL! i dunno wat am i thinking larh. hahaha!
studies have been a challenge and i just only found out that my minimum requirement for sime darby is 75 and above. didnt knw tat it was tat hard at first. ITS actually a REALLY REALLY high mark and im scared. i started to wonder what if i really cant achieve it? then where would my life end up to be? hmmm. =)
anywaz, im just blaberring a lot nao. just to release some thoughts on my mind.
last week, as i went out for outings, i suddenly miss all my G8 frens a lot, its like places that i go to, i can actually imagine them there and by just thinking of them, it puts a smile on mu face. =) i dont think i will ever find a bunch of people like them where i can be so comfortable, who would go crazy WITH me and all. cant wait for another outing with them!! =)
something really coincident happen this week. just at the beginning of the week, i was chatting with this friend and we had a heart to heart talk and he told me how his mother pass away from cancer. and then on friday, after exams, i was walking around doing groceries shopping. and i heard my name, turned around and saw one of my friends. and he too, shared about how he recently lost his father.
IN THE SAME WEEK, there's two person who came to me sharing about how they lost their loved ones. it was so coincident and i felt like God was talking to me as if He's trying to tell me something.
and i guess, i realised that life is so unpredictable, and He was like telling me to APPRECIATE my family while i have them.
i felt really sad for them, i was lost for words, because i really cant imagine what its like living without my mother/ father. i would not know how to recover as well. and im very sure it will take them a LONG TIME to recover.
besides, it made me realised, im very blessed already that i have a loving COMPLETE family and should stop complaining bout this bout that and all. =)
2011, even the beginning was very busy already. and when i tend to get busy, i tend to neglect God. i started asking and wondering WHERE IS MY HEART that i once had? last time i used to CARE so much, i would write little little notes to my cell group members encouraging them and all, i would have a burning passion to spread the good news to my friends, i would have the desire to bear a good testimony, i would have the longing to be close to God and all. it's like my heart is growing colder nowadays. and i prayed the same prayer over n over again, saying to God please bring me back to Him and yet not doing anything about it. i must start setting apart time for Him once again.
my thoughts are very messy now. i know that it's very dangerous to say this prayer, but sometimes i do wish that my life would have more challenges, because i know that it is IN DIFFICULTIES, IN HARDSHIPS that we learnt the most, that i learn to depend on God the most. and i want to moulded and pruned by God even if it means breaking me down. i know that, in that way, i'll be closer to God. some tme i wish to be put thru hard times just to experience it n grow more into a stronger person. hmm, i knw im kinda weird, who would want challenges in their lives and complain bout how good life is. LOL! i dunno wat am i thinking larh. hahaha!
studies have been a challenge and i just only found out that my minimum requirement for sime darby is 75 and above. didnt knw tat it was tat hard at first. ITS actually a REALLY REALLY high mark and im scared. i started to wonder what if i really cant achieve it? then where would my life end up to be? hmmm. =)
anywaz, im just blaberring a lot nao. just to release some thoughts on my mind.
last week, as i went out for outings, i suddenly miss all my G8 frens a lot, its like places that i go to, i can actually imagine them there and by just thinking of them, it puts a smile on mu face. =) i dont think i will ever find a bunch of people like them where i can be so comfortable, who would go crazy WITH me and all. cant wait for another outing with them!! =)
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