where's the passion? where's the motivation?
i feel as if i do not have any interest in watever im studying. and i really do wonder.. what if i really did take up the course of education or psychology or a course tat studies people. i want to learn how people work and behave and all, how to cheer them up, how to give them a better life. what im interested in is people. and i really do find it hard some times to find JOY and HAPPINESS in what i am studying. its not that i dont like evrything in medicine, but the large chunks of science and facts just makes it hard to enjoy it. i really need to feel tat once again. for now, i realised i keep falling asleep in most, if not all of the classes except those that involves movement like practicals, those that involve medical interview, talking to people and all, cause tat's really my interests, and i just seem to be able to pay attention in those kind of tutorial. the rest, i just seem to switch off automatically, even though i try very hard with concious effort to focus but just cant. im very afraid that i cant survive n struggling through 5 years like that. studying something that i do not enjoy, and when this thoughts come and haunt me, the feeling of wanting to change course comes, but yet, i know i have to hold it in and strive with my very best cause i know it's impossible since i've already accepted sime's scholarship and would not want to let anyone down especially my family. but yet, one part of my hearts stills tell me that i will enjoy medicine/ being a doctor in future and that gives me hope. and besides, to see how God have lay down the pathway for me, making sime approve of the scholarship, tat makes me very assured that im on the right pathway. i just hope that i will find the passion along the way, and find interest along this long journey and start to enjoy what im doing in the end. =) as i type this last few sentence, my smile is cming back, and tat's a good sign! =)
anyways, i just came back from penang and had a really really awesome time. spending time w friends with outings and holidays is really the best way of getting to know them better. it made me realised so many different great qualities in all my friends and to learn to appreciate them. the food was just too awesome, i cant even recount how many meals i took a day, it was endless, from one stall to the next. felt soooo contented,happy and satisfied after this trip! =)
and as i went for holidays, it often make me think back of all the G8 outings we had, the fun tat we had. went to the beach and remembered the COUNTLESS jump shots we took along the pangkor beach with the sunset tat day. went to a park and remembered how you all taught me to cycle for the very FIRST TIME. saw monkeys in a park and thought of lilian. saw waterfall and rememebered how we released candice's fishes into the lake and ALL THE funny pose we did it tat MULTI COUNTRY parks. memories will just flash back during all this trips and i can imagine wat we would have done together if you all were here with me.
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