first day back at church and THANK YOU

hmmm...i feel strange after such a long time never been to church
well takes time to accustom back to it...feel a bit lost, confused and dun knw wat is happening..
i wanna take this oppostunity to really really say a BIG THANK YOU to everybody who has been praying, being concern,visiting me,smsing me, bringing me gifts, willingly help me by bringing food and many more... ur love and care i will never forget n it has really been a support to me...i am so touched gy all of u...thank you to my youth fellowship friends, my cheras pastoral group,my sunday school group,my whole church who has faithfully uphold me in prayers, my school frens who gave me their support and visited me,and those friends who had prayed from all over the world...

i am really amazed of how the whole family of God can show such love and the close fellowship tat ur hav showed!! THANK YOU VERY MUCH...thank God for providing such friends and sister and brother in Christ.

the CLIMAX of my journey with God.

on the fourth day...
my family wanted to have a prayer session to thank Him for the successful opt
then i struggled with my mum

me : i dont feel like praying

Mum : how can u say that after all He has done

me : i just dont want to

mum : we must be thankful always to Him, u knw

me : but u dun understand wat am i going through

mum : can u just try at least talking to Him

me : "ok" i'll TRY

then when it came to me, i reluctantly prayed.and it was at this point that a miracle happen!!!!!!!

i realised how i turned my back against Him and how bitter was i. i suddenly felt very very very guilty. i couldnt control myself n i broke down...i started confessing to Him "sorry Lord , sorry, i know that u have been in the midst of all this, i know u have been leading me all the way, n how can i betray u like tat? how much it would have hurt You."

then all out of a sudden i heard a still small voice speaking to me through my heart n mind..

TWO THINGS happened

1) He reaveald the purpose of me going through all this to me

2) He help me recall all the little details that He took care of and

the things that i should thank Him for

i started thinking back..from the day after my opt, He provided me with a successful opt, no complications n the risks mentioned did not hapen..the fact that i got a single room was also God's grace.. this is because it was full left only with double room but when i was tranferred, a patient was discharged! wonderful isnt it how God works.

not only that i realised that evry single second He was holding my hand through every single details...

the purpose He put me through all this was this...it's really really strange! suddenly from the back of my mind a prayer pop up to me which i have forgotten totally about...

i knew at that time, i was feeling that my christian life is very plain n empty n i wanted something more n i knew that it was very dangerous to pray that prayer but i still did it

it went like that "Lord, may You send some trials into my life so that i can experience You more in a personal n real way. I really want to get closer to You." n so it was that at this point i suddenly thought of it and realised that it was God answering that prayer.amazing!

i realised He put me into this situation to help me know what is PAIN n how it felt like as i really never felt before n took life easily. i knw now that i will NEVER ever look down on people on bed n i can really feel n empathize with them as i experienced it my self. that was the purpose

other than that He taught me how to be thankful even in this situation n be patient. He also brought me closer to Him n to understand more about how God works in our lives.

from that time onwards i was turn right round n started praising Him thanking Him for all that He has done for me i was overjoyed. I even started thanking him "Lord thank you for choosing me to undergo all this, thank you for answering that prayer" it was as though i was happy to be in this suffering in trials.. i suddenly get a glimpse of wat it mean in one of the verse to be joyful even in sufferings.=)

i cant really describe that feeling... but i felt like a BIG burden was lifted from my shoulders, and lieing on the bed there i felt FREE! it was like my heart was being lifted high above. n i was HAPPY even in the midst of this.. the joy that i was looking for has finally come back! it was really like a miracle.. n i really really THANK GOD!

things i learnt

- to be thankful in any circumstances

- to be patient

- to value my parents more as they have really made a very very BIG sacrifice for me...their love n care i will never forget

- really understood in a personal the verse "all things work out for good of those wh love Him"

- understood His purpose for me

- understand how God works

- know that He will never leave or abandoned me

it was really an experienced for me the whole journey with God!

n i can stand with others to say that GOD is indeed FAITHFUL always!

The PAIN!!!

the next morning came...this day there was X-rays to be taken and it was real torture!!
few mens came to me and said that they wanna take X-rays..
they started puuting these thick X-rays film under my back...it was so painful and i shouted out all the way...i thought there was only one to be taken but they came back for another one...by this time tears were coming out already. FINALLY after all that they said it was finish and took it to show the doctor.

The next DISASTER came...
the doctor was not sastified and ordered another X-ray to be taken..i was left there helpless and strengthless even to struggle..n just gave in to them and endured it...

well, my haemogloblin was coming up and so i was transferred to a normal ward...i said thank you to all the nurses in ICU who has taken care of me very well... then as i was being wheeled out,i shouted out "thank You, Kalai" the nurse who i blotted out harshly at (water). i felt really guilty of doing that.

i was tranferred to a single room then. i rested and watched some TV...
the anasthesia was wearing off...after this i was seized by PAIN! this pain was undescribable, unbearable and really over the limit that i could bear..i groaned in pain for a long time..and they finally gave me paintkiller..but it only lasted for two hours then it came again...and i grumble again...
i started crying out to the Lord " please take away this pain from me. please,please,please"...but it never went away..
this lasted for three days.. n i was really suffering..once again, i felt like bursting out n keep thinking when will this pain go away..n got impatient!
then, my mum called the doctor and realised that the dose of the paintkiller was not enough for me.. and he doubled the dose.. it was slightly better but after 4 hours then it came again.

then i started grumbling against God... i started asking "why me? why do i have to endure this pain?Why dont u help me by taking away the pain? you said that you will never give me anything that i cant bear, but what is this? it's over my limit! Have you fogotten about me?You said all things work out for good, but wat's the purpose of all this?what is the reason?" i kept on struggling with God ..n when i knew that other patients do not complain of any pain, i got even more angrier. i became bitter and turn away from God. when people came to visit i was not able to put on a cheerful face, if i did i was just faking it out...throughout this three days i was constantly struggling with God. n it was saddening ad depressing it did not help me by doing this but made things even worse. i grumble complain n groaned all the more.

being conscious after opt!

When I first became conscious,
My eyes were not open
I couldn’t move
Only my ears were working
I heard
My doctor mumbling
The operation has finished successfully
I heard
The OT door opened

I heard the wheels of my bed
And next I was in ICU

I was confused, disorientated n had mixed feeling…

When I became fully conscious…I still did not knw wat exactly was I doing….
I started talking to the doctor..

Me: doctor, r u tired?
Doctor: smiles
Me : doctor, go n have a rest
Doctor : smiles
Me : doctor, go n have ur lunch
Doctor : smiles

Well… I guess the doctor would have thought I was crazy… but I really didn’t knw wat was I doing…lieing there feeling a bit blur...

I looked around me…. I was shocked… there were so many tubes n machines around me…I was connected with one tube in my neck, two tubes in my hand, one catherthar tube(urine), n one drainage tube(back)…n one blood pressure thing on my hand which squeezes automatically… n the machines went on with their ti ti ta ta, ti ti ta ta….
Then my mother n father came… I was glad to see them.. n they made me feel more secured…n save… n clearer…

i was REALLY thirsty at that point.... this thirstiness is really nt the normal, is unbearable... n i keep asking for water... but the nurse refused to give n only wet my lips...each time i ask they did the same thing... n i was getting angry,restless,hopeless.. n i blotted out harshly can u please give me "REAL" water!! i didnt knw wat made me do tat anyway...but i was really dieing of thirst...then finally,after all the waiting, the water came, at the first sip of it... i felt like life came back to me...=)

Then… later I just dozed off into a deep sleep…

during the nite i remembered, i vomited... n it really hurts my back!

n i let out a few "ah"s...

i really felt like bursting out... getting out straight away n recover straight away..but knew it was imposibble...

well,,i endured n the next morning came...

will continue later.. got to zzz...zzz.. now...

my experience with God

haha...so long never update my blog liao
this is going to be an extra extra long post...hehe=)

i am writing about my whole journey of operation with God.. He has been good n real to me during this period.

The day before my opt
i was all the way feeling very calm...until this day...
when driving to the hospital,i started to feel my heart beat..dup dup dup dup dup...
i started to feel afraid of wat i was going in for
then...i looked up into the sky n it was really beautiful that day n i started talking to God
i told Him all my feelings n fear n amazingly, He reassured me that He will be with me throughout the whole thing and i was relief to know that.i told Him that i will continue to trust in Him.i was calm again not afraid!

admitted in hospital day before
i was brought into a single room n rested for a while then we went out to dinner..
the nite itself i was started to feel it again..n this time round God send messages into my phone CONTINUOUSLY with verses... like Psalm121, joshua 1:9, n loads of encouragement
everybody told me that they were praying for me n i felt so assured to know tat my church every 15minutes during my opt there's someone praying for me. i was really touch by this LOVE shown by God's family!!
i was really touched wen i received an sms all the way from australia with the verse be strong n courageous, do not be terrified,do not be discouraged because the Lord your God will go wherever u go.
tat nite it self my father read another two passages from the bible n with that i wen to sleep feeling comforted, calm n assured

deng deng deng deng!!
the day finally arrived
it was really God's working.. i got up n read my quiet time.
believe it a not!!! my quiet time's verse was matthew 19:26 with God all things are possible!!! once again, He assured me n i went with Him calmly!
i was asked to bath with this kinf of "red colour soap" apparently prevent infection..
i didnt like the smell but had no choice..n it was my LAST bath n i wont be able to bath for nearly a week!
n then i had to put on this long stoking to prevent blood clot..
the time pass by hour...minute...n second
n then was transfered to the operating theatre
my mother waited with me until i needed to go in
before that they pushed in two tubes in my left hand
AND i went in.. i saw the three big lights n took a glance around all the modern technologies
i was chit chating with a nurse while waiting for doctor..she was quite surprised tat i was smiling all the way
only deep down inside i know tat i was really trusting n depending on God

"DEAD"
the doctor n anathesia also arrived... some drugs were put into my hand n within seconds i was "dead" n i didnt know wat was happening .i was under anathesia..!=)

the rest of the story will be coming i will write till here first.
just want to say tat God has been really great!=) praise the Lord!

The time is nearing and i'm as calm as the sea

SCARY SCARY SCARY!! n yet i am not afraid at all! as calm as the sea on the left side!haha=)

it is God's working...i really can feel His peace..

my operation seems so small to me when i trust in God!

TRUST GOD IS THE BEST THING TO DO!

when things get hard!!hehe=)

i am really learning much things from God in this period of time! n i really want to thank my church friends, school friends,n many many more ppl..i really feel the love shown to me n my family..thx for all your support!!! THANK YOU....is more than words can say

hey!! i am new in here!

haaha...so i finally created a blog.i am new here so just bear w me as i explore more n become more pro then all of ur..haha jking la..but u wait nn see then!

well,..i'm here to say a big thank you to all my 4M frens...
all of ur have made this class into one that i enjoy very much!!
haahaa..i am sure i will miss all of u..
the perfectinist,the fat cunning cat,the old man,the shy guy,my other retard,yee seen,may teng,siew li n all of u
seriously i was not that crazy the previous year...well,,i guess u all stimulated me!! n i dun laugh tat crazy u knw..u can ask fui teng n see..haha
hehe..no matter wat happens even if we r not tat close anymore i will alwaz value our frenship made..do take care all of u n have a really good holz!

really really had fun yesterday is as if i can fly high up...can really feel the freedom man!!
it's so wonderful..hehe
u watch out garry we r going to crash ur house soon..haha,joking larr!kekeke=)

lolz...