my family wanted to have a prayer session to thank Him for the successful opt
then i struggled with my mum
me : i dont feel like praying
Mum : how can u say that after all He has done
me : i just dont want to
mum : we must be thankful always to Him, u knw
me : but u dun understand wat am i going through
mum : can u just try at least talking to Him
me : "ok" i'll TRY
then when it came to me, i reluctantly prayed.and it was at this point that a miracle happen!!!!!!!
i realised how i turned my back against Him and how bitter was i. i suddenly felt very very very guilty. i couldnt control myself n i broke down...i started confessing to Him "sorry Lord , sorry, i know that u have been in the midst of all this, i know u have been leading me all the way, n how can i betray u like tat? how much it would have hurt You."
then all out of a sudden i heard a still small voice speaking to me through my heart n mind..
TWO THINGS happened
1) He reaveald the purpose of me going through all this to me
2) He help me recall all the little details that He took care of and
the things that i should thank Him for
i started thinking back..from the day after my opt, He provided me with a successful opt, no complications n the risks mentioned did not hapen..the fact that i got a single room was also God's grace.. this is because it was full left only with double room but when i was tranferred, a patient was discharged! wonderful isnt it how God works.
not only that i realised that evry single second He was holding my hand through every single details...
the purpose He put me through all this was this...it's really really strange! suddenly from the back of my mind a prayer pop up to me which i have forgotten totally about...
i knew at that time, i was feeling that my christian life is very plain n empty n i wanted something more n i knew that it was very dangerous to pray that prayer but i still did it
it went like that "Lord, may You send some trials into my life so that i can experience You more in a personal n real way. I really want to get closer to You." n so it was that at this point i suddenly thought of it and realised that it was God answering that prayer.amazing!
i realised He put me into this situation to help me know what is PAIN n how it felt like as i really never felt before n took life easily. i knw now that i will NEVER ever look down on people on bed n i can really feel n empathize with them as i experienced it my self. that was the purpose
other than that He taught me how to be thankful even in this situation n be patient. He also brought me closer to Him n to understand more about how God works in our lives.
from that time onwards i was turn right round n started praising Him thanking Him for all that He has done for me i was overjoyed. I even started thanking him "Lord thank you for choosing me to undergo all this, thank you for answering that prayer" it was as though i was happy to be in this suffering in trials.. i suddenly get a glimpse of wat it mean in one of the verse to be joyful even in sufferings.=)
i cant really describe that feeling... but i felt like a BIG burden was lifted from my shoulders, and lieing on the bed there i felt FREE! it was like my heart was being lifted high above. n i was HAPPY even in the midst of this.. the joy that i was looking for has finally come back! it was really like a miracle.. n i really really THANK GOD!
things i learnt
- to be thankful in any circumstances
- to be patient
- to value my parents more as they have really made a very very BIG sacrifice for me...their love n care i will never forget
- really understood in a personal the verse "all things work out for good of those wh love Him"
- understood His purpose for me
- understand how God works
- know that He will never leave or abandoned me
it was really an experienced for me the whole journey with God!
n i can stand with others to say that GOD is indeed FAITHFUL always!
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