human nature vs God's plans.

i think tis gonna be quite an emo ppost!

anywaz, results were out on the last day of camp at 530am. i didnt dare checked so i decided i would go to college itself to check it! did not feel anything until i was in the bus! suspenseful.

couldnt believe my eyes when i saw the paper. it was not the top TOP but i am satisfied with my results because i know that my future is in God's hand. no matter what i get, He has a purpose for me. that was wat i thought then! =)

recently, my mind have been so confused with so many things. it is so confused so much so that i cant actually reason out stuffs. universities are so so so complicated with the approval of sime darby. DOWN is the word i cn associate with now.

well, i just got to knw tat i did not get UNSW which was my erm.....only hope. so now, i guess, i cant go to australia.
n i'm left with monash local and james cook australia which BOTH are NOT in sime darby list.
yesh, it does sound VERY SCARY, it seems like my future is closing down on me, it seems like i'm going no where, it seems like i gotta let go of sime n find sme other ways, it seems like i'm not in for medicine, it seems like i'm left with no more choices, it seems like................ i dont even have words to express how i feel. i'm really really scared for now. 

A BIG SIGH! i do not know how, what n where. my mind is so confused, i dont even dare to think anymore. i am so tired! tired of alwaz trying to be strong, tired of alwaz trying to be happy. i just feel like giving up on my future studies dy, i dont feel like caring anymore. i just want a simple life, i dont want all this complicated stuffs to deal with. i feel like fainting and never wake up again. sighssss.. i am really EXHAUSTED of all these, feel like breaking down sme tme but i find myself very hard to even shed a tear. many say that i'm always the ever HAPPY one. many asked me bfor whether i have cried before, many asked me why i never become angry, many asked me why i dont seem to have any problems. some time i wish that i cn cry more easily and just let out how i feel. i always want to hide the sad feelings frm ppl and always stay happy so that i dont affect ppl's mood around me.. and i can tell you, it is tiring at times.

i need to find back the source of my strength - GOD!

anyhow, i find the strength in God. i am not going to worry and i will stay calm. i know that God is letting all this things happen for a reason, although i might not know why, i'm sure He is talking to me thru all this circumstances. i still know that MY FUTURE IS IN GOD'S HAND.

no doubt, human nature alwaz load my mind with all the negative thinking, but i'm gonna tell myself to STOP WORRYING and TRUST IN THE LORD and HAVE FAITH and NOT GIVE UP!. =) i will not let human nature over power the strength of GOD. sorry Lord for doubting You, i will surrender all to you, especially my future. =)

as i write these down, a smile has come back on my face. it's funny how sme tme writing stuffs down make u feel more relieved! =)