God's word speaks!

spending some quiet time with God can be amazing.
i opened the Bible to ephesians 2 v 1-10 today, and God spoke to my heart. God's word is like a sword piercing into the heart, it searches the heart, it prunes it and bring it to realisation and repentance.

this verse especially hit me hard.
"all of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts..." eph2v3
I remember one night in RBS, i was in tears talking to God. I totally let out how i felt and just being honest with Him.
I told Him that i was really scared to start a new year in taylor's college. everything was in a really really big rush. initially, i didnt even think of taylor's college or sam. my plan was maybe form six or a levels. never in my life have i heard of sam before. When i realise I received the Sime darby scholarship, i should be happy, but i was confused, there was so much to absorb. and suddenly, just like that, change of plans.
That night in  RBS, I told Him how puzzled and insecure i felt. I was very very scared that i will stray away from Him, that i will turn into a bad person, that i will not stand strong in the faith, that i will start to neglect Him when i get busy studying...  

and true enough, some of the fears did come true. I did stray away and I did not stay close to Him.
and some times like the verse say, I even enjoy following the cravings of my sinful nature, its desires and its thoughts. I even CHOOSE to be in the wrong, just cause it's so much easier. and it was my own desire to neglect God. it was just so much easier to be absorb into the world rather than staying strong in the faith and always guarding my heart from all evil things.

At times, i even questioned God why is it that being in the right is so hard. I chose to turn my back against Him, i chose to stray away and stop doing my quiet time. I even asked God why must i always be the one who shows love, why must i always be the one who comforts, i was once again feeling tired of all this.

and this verse hit me hard. i realised how rebellious i was. and all this tiredness...the source of it all... was ... 
cause in the first place, my spiritual walk was wrong and i chose it to be that way.
but even when i was faithless he was still faithful!
and that's how wonderful it is. like how He spoke to me today, even though all this while i have been so rebellious, He was still trying to bring me back to Him. and how He used this verse to give me a wake up call. I really need to get back to Him. He is the source of my strength and love, if even this channel is cut off, then where would i find the strength to once again conquer all this tiredness "spiritually".

that's how amazing christianity is, it speakes to the heart. and to be able to feel His voice and His presence, that feel just cant be describe even more. you've gotta experience it yourself.

I am once again touched by God's love. We did not earn His love, but He loved us unconditionally.
"for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast." eph2v8-9.
this was the other verse that touched me too. God's gift of love is so amazing, He offers it to all who receives it, and the wonderful thing is, it is just by believing that you receive it, not by earning it or by doing good works.
indeed it is by grace that we are saved!  

this song is a prayer from the bottom of my heart. Oh Lord, draw me close to You, indeed You are my only desire and i lay it all down before You once again.